Author: phillip

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I prefer group work to one-on-one talk therapy

I have had many people describe how much they’ve gotten out of their one-on-one talk therapy sessions and encourage me to go to talk therapy. I have read many complaints (often from women) about how they can get their partners to go to couples counseling, but there’s a wall when it comes to one-on-one talk therapy, and they feel stuck.

So, I just want to flat out say it: I have been to one-on-one talk therapy, I don’t find much help in it. That’s ok for me, I hope it can be ok for you, too. There are other healing modalities to explore!

One-on-one therapy can certainly work well when you have found someone you have a good rapport with. I have tried several therapists, and I did not feel a rapport or really feel like their feedback spoke to me and my challenges at all. So, finding a therapist becomes a monumental task – searching for providers, figuring out insurance, scheduling initial consultations, repeating the same parts of the story over and over again, and perhaps even finding that it wasn’t much help in the end. Maybe your therapist has done a lot of work with their own suffering, maybe they haven’t. Maybe they specialize in your type of struggle, maybe they don’t. Maybe they can speak to you in ways that are impactful, and maybe they just annoy you. There is so much friction. I am very understanding of everyone who resists it, as much as I understand it has helped many people. It is not a universal solution, but one that relies on luck.

I went to therapy after my father tried to commit suicide. I didn’t feel like I got much understanding or tooling out of the process. Several people thought I should try to “get over it” in various ways, and there were many encouragements that I should focus on my studies and my work. Overall, that was a pretty big let down to me in a really difficult time in my life. Repeating the friction-involved process over the years has not encouraged me further.

But I don’t think that means we have an excuse to avoid help. Because there are alternatives – like group work. I have participated in several support and sharing groups. I’ve also offered peer-led support groups. It’s a format I love and have gained so much from, even though it gets much less attention than one-on-one talk therapy (at least in conversations I have).

In group work, I don’t have to find the right person to talk to or develop a rapport with anyone. I am exposed to others, some who I will resonate with and some who I don’t. The group isn’t there to offer advice, but rather to share their own experiences and to listen to others. And there is a great power in that. I find a lot of acceptance, simply by being listened to by others without interruption. I find that I’m not alone, that the struggle I thought was so lonely is shared by others. I am often surprised at how an individual I thought was so put together has many struggles on the inside. I gain insight into my own struggles and patterns by listening to the struggles of others. I can see what it looks like to be further ahead on the path of healing and transformation – and that it is still a path that has its ups and downs. I can appreciate how far I have come, and cultivate compassion for those who are just starting.

In group work, we practice showing up. We practice sitting and listening, without judgment or attempts to fix. We practice speaking about our own experiences only, not speaking for groups or for other people. We practice sharing honestly of our own experience, encouraged by the vulnerability of others. This is all valuable medicine, and I think medicine that is best administered in a group. Sure, you get less time to ventilate your problems than in an hour of talk therapy, but you gain so much more in terms of perspective and acceptance and a shared struggle.

And that’s the right format for me.

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Mindfulness in a Rush

Someone asked a wonderful question in a closed community, and it turned out to generate a lot of reflection and thought on my own practice. I wanted to capture that and share my answer more openly.

Question
How does one practice mindfulness in everyday life when, inevitably, we must perform tasks quickly? Examples include getting ready to leave the house quickly because you are running late, a recipe that requires a quick succession of focused steps, or simply playing a game that’s like a race. How do we stay with a mindfulness practice when we are hurried?

Speaking as an engineering consultant, a farmer, and a father: I acknowledge that there are so many tasks that must be done with some degree of speed or urgency. We operate on deadlines. We have limited windows in which to accomplish things.

Mindfulness, to me, involves recognizing the appropriate response to the nature of the moment and acting accordingly. “This is a moment that requires urgency.” So I must operate with a sense of speed. But it does not have to be hurried. I can still operate mindfully, with full presence and awareness, while working quickly. I can participate without getting overwhelmed or getting lost in feelings of anxiety and worry.

I often think about a story I heard told by one Thich Nhat Hanh’s monastics – I don’t have a source, unfortunately, but a vague feeling it may have been Br. Phap Huu in an episode of “The Way Out is In” podcast. When traveling, Thay liked to practice mindful walking through the airport. They had done this and arrived at their gate, where they waited to board the flight. Just before time to board, an announcement came on, and their gate had moved to another across the airport. The monastic telling the story recalls that they looked at each other with concern – how would they make it to the gate in time given the slow pace of walking? Thay looked at them and said, “Run!”

In these moments, I can apply mindfulness to the body from time to time. Even in the most urgent of paces, I can afford to pause, to take a break, even if only for 10 seconds, even if only for one breath. I can notice if I have let emotions take control. I can notice if I need a break. I can pause, reconnect, and engage with the wonders around me. This is necessary to avoid getting caught up in the energy of rushing.

I also practice by identifying transition moments: when I am not required to move with speed any longer. Because it is so easy to let that energy carry over into moments that do not require any haste, or to channel it into an interaction with another person.

In my own life, a consistent moment of practice here is the transition from “cooking and plating dinner” to “enjoying dinner.” Often, cooking dinner is a focused, fast-paced event: I’m often making 2-3 dishes, cleaning up after myself as I work, prepping the table, plating food. I like to finish eating dinner with most of the cleanup already done so I get to play time right away. I like to serve and eat hot food. It’s focused, it’s fast, I enjoy it. But it’s easy to let that feeling carry on into dinner. The transition from “chef mode” to “dinner mode” occurs in the moment between when my plate touches the table and I sit down. If I am swept up by a feeling of rushing, it’s easy to scarf down the food before I realize what’s happened, then feeling the horror of realizing I didn’t even taste the food I worked so hard for! Instead, I know that is a moment of mindful practice: to recognize the change of pace, to return to the body with a few breaths. And that’s often enough to shift everything. If I feel the energy has not dissipated, I quietly recite the contemplations or an expression of gratitude, and mindfully eat the first bite.

The practice of mindfulness may also result in recognizing the moments where there is a tendency to rush. Once there is awareness, there is an opportunity to change the conditions and allow ourselves to move slower. Perhaps there’s recognition that some things need to be let go to make more space.

It is also useful to apply mindfulness to the impulse to rush itself. Do we actually need to rush? Are there real benefits in this moment? If I get swept up in a rush to leave the house quickly because I’m late, how much time am I actually saving compared to a normal, or even relaxed-yet-focused, pace? I might find the difference is only a few minutes. But if I get into an accident because the energy of rushing and the anxiety over being late carried into the drive, I have only become more late. If I recovered a few minutes of lateness, but arrived overwhelmed and hurried and anxious, is that a good trade? Or have we only made the situation more challenging?

“Hello, my impulse to rush, to move quickly. Hello, my pressure to get something done by an arbitrary deadline. I know that you are in there. I see you. But I ask, where did you come from? Are you sure we need to rush? Or are you simply the habit energy of my grandmother, raising eight children, trying to get everything done and keep everything in perfect order?”

It helps to look into this and know. Sometimes, I see that I’m simply rushing out of habit or childhood training. Often, I can calm my body with the recognition that this is not an emergency. I do not need to move as quickly or urgently as my body feels the need to.

I find the practice of having periodic or random bells sounding throughout the day, used as a prompt to stop and return to the body, is very helpful for transforming this energy. This practice has revealed many times when I have become swept up by an energy or feeling and not been aware of it. I might even feel the impulse not to stop, to avoid it, because I have to keep going. The bell offers an opportunity recognize and reset.

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Acknowledging My Father’s Efforts

I’ve been in a space of reflection and atonement and forgiveness since Yom Kippur. And over the weekend I had a chance to engage in conversations and reflection related to the wounding and lack of skills that so many men walk around with.

I was so tough on my father during his life. I wanted more connection, more presence, more vulnerability, more ownership. He couldn’t offer me what I wanted so desperately. Hell, the only strong memory I have of him asking how I was feeling, I was 30! 

But now, as I am working on my healing and trying to do better for my kids, as I am looking around at others doing the same, I see just how much effort he put in and did not get the credit for. Or, at least, not from me.

My father never even knew his own father. That man walked out on his family. His mother worked several jobs to keep him afloat. He had to take care of himself from a young age. He did not have a parent to make him dinner every night. When his friends had to go home for dinner, he had to go to a lonely apartment and fend for himself. He did not have a role model of how to be a parent. He did not have enough love. He did not have people to connect with in his pain – his friends thought it was cool that he had so much freedom, and even they didn’t recognize until recent years what that freedom really meant. These are not things that he shared with me, but that I learned or rediscovered after his death.

My father has many faults. But he really tried to do something different for his kids, to give them what he did not have. He did it imperfectly. He created a lot of pain. But he also gave us love and great memories and so many valuable skills and a comfortable life.

Thank you, dad. I would like to acknowledge now all the effort you put in to make things better for your children. I would like to acknowledge that you were criticized for your shortcomings and incapacities by me and by many others. I see now that you were doing your absolute best, and nobody acknowledged that for you.

I wish my father was still alive so that I could offer him that. Alas, I can only offer it to the part of my father that lives on in me.

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Useful Item Ideas for The One Ring RPG

Characters in The One Ring RPG can carry useful items (with the number based on the character’s Standard of Living). In my experience, it can be difficult to come up with ideas for useful items, so I’ve collected ideas from various documents, Discord conversations, and games I’ve played.

Table of Contents:

  1. Useful Item Guidelines
  2. Useful Items by Skill
  3. Other Ideas
  4. References

Useful Item Guidelines

Here’s what the CRB says about useful items:

Each Useful Item is associated with a single Skill, and gives one bonus die for most instances of rolling on that Skill, but only for you. Be creative: an item for LORE can be a book (yawn) but it can also be a supply of coffee (nothing gets your mind sharp and your memory clear like coffee) or a particular pen you used when reading in the library which helps you remember the things you studied back then. For consumables, assume you always have an adequate supply.

Some items might be useful in other situations; for instance, a hammer that helps you with CRAFT might also be helpful when you just need to break something. The more likely an item is to be useful in situations other than rolling on a Skill, the stricter the loremaster will be when evaluating whether it is applicable to a Skill roll.

Note that you do not need to make sure every item you could ever need while traveling is accounted here. If you do not list a torch, you can still assume you have a torch, along with a bedroll, a cookpot, some rations, and other basic travel gear. It just won’t be a torch that gives a bonus die.

Guidance from the TOR discord suggests that:

Useful Item ought to be useful only on some subjects, or in some circumstances. The LM should not accept one that is likely to be useful on nearly every roll of that skill.

Useful Items by Skill

  1. Athletics
  2. Awareness
  3. Awe
  4. Battle
  5. Courtesy
  6. Craft
  7. Enhearten
  8. Explore
  9. Healing
  10. Hunting
  11. Insight
  12. Lore
  13. Persuasion
  14. Riddle
  15. Scan
  16. Song
  17. Stealth
  18. Travel

Athletics

  • A coil of rope [with grappling hook]
  • Set of climbing pitons
  • Gloves of supple leather to facilitate climbing
  • A spear or walking stick that can be used as a vaulting pole
  • Footware:
    • Snowshoes
    • Lightweight running shoes
    • Boots with a spring-heel
    • Well made boots

Awareness

  • An ear trumpet (to enhance your listening)
  • Glasses
  • A hat with a brim to screen the glare of the sun
  • Spyglass or telescope
  • Polished metal mirror
  • Clear crystal or lens
  • Wind chimes or small bells
  • Trained bird companion
  • Weather glass or barometer
  • Compass with detailed markings
  • Pocket sundial
  • Consumables
    • A type of tea with a mild stimulant to assist a night watch
    • Elven waybread
    • stimulating herbs

Awe

  • A suit of expensive clothing
  • Earrings of pearl
  • An impressive gold chain
  • A remarking torque
  • A striking ring
  • A fine cloak and hood
  • Elaborate hair combs
  • Exquisite diadem
  • A tattoo of something powerful (animal, symbol)
  • A necklace of claws/teeth
  • War paint
  • Prominent piercing
  • A bottle of good wine
  • Exquisite umbrella
  • Artful makeup
  • Delicate perfume
  • Impressive scar

Battle

  • Colour coded feathers on arrows (to choose right weight for the distance being shot)
  • Small feather attached to the tip of the bow to indicate wind direction
  • Figurines for setting up battle plans
  • Flint (to start a fire)
  • A finely crafted set of Dwarf made figures for setting up battle plans
  • A gold and silver chess set from the exotic south
  • A detailed map of a specific area and its surrounding terrain, useful for planning ambushes and tactics

Courtesy

  • A suit of expensive clothing
  • Earrings of pearl
  • Various small gifts to present
  • Striking ring
  • Fancy waistcoat
  • An [exquisite] umbrella
  • Small gifts to be shared (toys, pipe tobacco, wine, other consumable items)

Craft

  • A set of tools to carve stone / engraving tools
  • Fine wood-crafting tools
  • [Trusty] [work] hammer
  • Pickaxe
  • Drills
  • Magnifying lens
  • Measuring tool
  • Tool sharpener
  • Tongs

Enhearten

  • A liquor to infuse strength
  • A war horn
  • A fine crafted circlet
  • An engraving of meaning
  • A banner
  • A set of rattling bells tied to a spear to be shaken
  • A smooth stone to calm your thoughts
  • A carving to hold aloft as a totem for the group, celebrating a previous positive event or Patron

Explore

  • A wind-proof lantern
  • A detailed set of maps
  • Wayfarer bundle
  • Set of chalk in several colours to mark the way
  • Trusty tinderbox

Healing

  • A balm to soothe pain
  • A salve to dress wounds
  • Dried herbs to alleviate aches
  • Trusty pestle and mortar to make remedies
  • Strips of cloth that can be used as ties, or as bandages
  • A foul smelling unguent
  • Plant extract to induce vomiting (treats food poisoning)

Hunting

  • A knife for skinning rabbits
  • Hunting knife
  • A little box of salt to cook
  • Set of fine snares
  • Hunting dog or bird
  • Fishing gear
  • A bird call whistle
  • Bolas for use in a chase
  • A quiver
  • A lucky quiver

Insight

  • Pipeweed to use for gathering thoughts while observing someone
  • A fine pipe to find comfort
  • A deck of gaming cards or dice that permits close observation when playing with people
  • A bottle of fine beverage (to either use yourself or offer a glass to someone)
  • A journal for reflection

Lore

  • A rare book
  • An ink and quill set
  • An heirloom to help recall your studies
  • A worry stone to help recall your studies

Persuasion

  • Various small gifts to present
  • Pipeweed to share
  • A book with thoughtful insights on persuasion
  • A bottle of good wine to share
  • Delicate perfume

Riddle

  • A good pipe to help you think
  • A smooth stone to calm your thoughts
  • A pack of playing cards or dice to distract
  • A book of riddles
  • A trained animal (probably a dog, but a hawk might do, or even a ferret!) that will perform a diversion with a coded sound or signal

Scan

  • A wind-proof lantern
  • Pocket eyeglass
  • Magnifying glass
  • Sniffing salts to enhance focus for the task at hand
  • A trained animal to help locate certain smells

Song

  • An [exotic] instrument that you can carry (violin, lute, flute, harp, drum, viol, lyre)
  • A book of poems/songs

Stealth

  • Camouflage paint/makeup
  • A dependable cloak
  • Something you can throw to make distractions
  • Pinpoint lantern
  • Lockpicking tools
  • Noise reduction
    • A backpack with no metal exterior loops or buckles, and interior pockets that cushion the things inside
    • A scarf to cover mouth to reduce breathing noise and breath when cold outside
    • A strip of cloth that could tie arrows together in your quiver and stop them from rattling
    • Specially-designed chainmail that doesn’t rattle
    • Leather wrappings over/around metal bits
  • Shoes
    • Slippers (cushions the sound when sneaking)
    • Pair of soft soled shoes
    • Nimble boots
  • Consumables
    • Herbal mixture that heightens reflexes
    • A scent that drowns out your normal aroma

Travel

  • A sunstone to navigate in bad weather
  • Travel biscuits/dried meat
  • A walking stick
  • Camping gear
  • Sentimental handkerchief
  • A small tin of wax oil to waterproof boots or other leather kit
  • A bottle of tangy pickles as a pick me up
  • A hat with a brim to screen the glare of the sun
  • Tinderbox to light fires
  • Flint and steel
  • A detailed set of maps
  • Well prepared camping gear

Other Ideas

  • When stumped for coming up with items, consider consumables that can generate an effect.
  • Model animal companions as Useful Items – a hunting dog that’s +1d to Hunting
    • If you have multiple slots, the companion might provide a boon to multiple skills, e.g., +1d to Hunting and Awareness
  • DanW notes, and I think this has some merit to reflect on:

    I’m considering banning maps as a useful item. Apart from Thorin’s map (which has a very specific purpose), nobody ever carries a map in the books.

References

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Treating Handwriting as a Form of Practice

For most of my life, I have carried an identity of “having bad handwriting.” This is somewhat ironic, as I write by hand on a daily basis and fill multiple notebooks in a month. Having stayed in practice with so much writing, one would think that I would maintain a modicum of legibility. Yet even I struggle to read my own writing.

I was reflecting on why I stick to this identity. Why, exactly, do I need to write so small, so cramped, so quickly? What, exactly, is the value of saving space by cramming in my writing? Why does it have to be done in such a hurry?

Ultimately, I realized that at the root of “I have bad handwriting” is simply yet another form of “rushing.” My handwriting is poor because I “have to” write quickly, to get it all down before it’s too late.

But this is not necessary. It is not founded on any real concern of “losing something” if I slow down. It is simply conditioning.

Writing by hand can be another form of meditation. One can flow, engage fully in the physical act of writing, sit with and marinate in the words being written. My writing could be made beautiful and efficient. Ultimately, all of that would be much better than the cramped rush I have been committed to all these years.

There is no rush. I can just enjoy the act of writing. I can treat it, too, as another way to express art, to be fully present.

I shed this identity of having bad handwriting, and my need to be in such a rush while writing.

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Reentry is Always Challenging

No matter how many times you go through it, how ready you think you are, how much slack you’re prepared to give yourself: reentry is always challenging.

Reentry is painful, rocky, heated. The symptoms might vary –

  • You just can’t get yourself to focus on the work like you used to
  • Your mind is pulled to other projects, games, fun times
  • You feel overwhelmed at being so far behind
  • You lash out at those around you due to the frustration

You can’t avoid it. At best, you can minimize the impact. But really, the goal is simply to bear it compassionately while you build up momentum as quickly as you can.

Once you’ve picked up the flow, you’ll be good to go.

References

  • Walker Percy’s Problems of Reentry by Austin Kleon

    Percy points out that “the most spectacular problems of reentry seem to be experienced by artists and writers.” Percy then lists a bunch of reentry options, such as anesthesia (drugs), travel, sex, suicide, etc.

    One of the reasons I’m such a huge fan of a daily routine and the Groundhog Day approach to working is that it attempts to minimize these exact problems of re-entry that Percy outlines. By scheduling little doses of daily transcendence in which you work on your art, you can pop in and out of your everyday life without becoming a horrible parent or drug addict or total maniac. (Many argue that that’s just the price of Great Art, but I’ve never never bought it.)

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Don’t Check Email on Your Phone

There are a number of problems with having email on your phone. Here are some that I’ve experienced directly:

  • It’s like a slot machine to you brain (intermittent reward), so you will develop the habit of checking it frequently
  • Checking email on your phone when you’re not in a work mindset is disruptive. You risk pulling yourself out of what you’re currently engaged in. You might become distracted, feel compelled to go back to work, become upset in response to what you read, or otherwise disrupt your mood.
  • When you check email before you complete your most important work, you’re extremely likely to have your day hijacked by something in your inbox. It’s better to do your most important work, then deal with the outside world.

Don’t put email on your phone. Keep it on your computer. This way, you can actually isolate yourself from your phone. You can actually be free of work when you’re away from your computer – a proper break.

References

  • Remote: Office Not Required by Jason Fried and DHH

    Having created conditions that necessitate getting off your comfy couch to check work email, your laziness will win most nights, leaving you to recharge your mental batteries until the morning.

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Your Must Create Space for Your Brain to Generate Insights

Whether what you’re after is improving your effectiveness or improving your creativity, it is essential that you create space for your brain to generate new ideas and valuable insights.

In the modern world, this is difficult. Our phones are portals to an endless stream of news, social media feeds, notifications, text messages, emails, and more. We are connected to our coworkers 24/7 through chat-based messaging systems like Slack. Our calendars are over-booked, whether due to the demands of our job, working multiple jobs, or taking care of kids.

There is no more boredom – there is always something to do, or something to consume. The problem is, however, that we cannot be expected to come up with ideas if we are constantly filling our days with an endless, uninterrupted stream of tasks and consumption. You need room for ideas to actually percolate up into your consciousness. You need space to allow your brain to digest the information it’s received.

Stop consuming all the time. Allow yourself to be bored. Leave unfilled space in your day, however brief, to allow your brain to have ideas.

Your reaction might be, “but I don’t have time for that.” Either make time, or change the game you’re playing. You need space for creativity and insight to raise. There is no substitute.

  • Control your attention and information consumption
  • Schedule a regular “artist date” with yourself

References

  • The Art of Fermenting Great Ideas by Nat Eliason

    Our ideas appear primarily in one situation: when little else is occupying our thoughts. It’s as if it is a defense mechanism of our brain responding to the lack of stimulus. If you’re not engaged in hunting, gathering, building, mating, or socializing, then something must be wrong, and you need to fix it. So it starts shooting up ideas from the mailroom to get you back into one of those modes that will save you from dying alone with no progeny.

Good ideas require boredom. If you constantly ingest new information, the existing information can never be digested. It’s as if you’re looking at your fermenting jar on the counter every hour and wondering why nothing has happened, so you open it and stuff in another cucumber.

Think of your time as explicitly allocated to loading in information or towards seeing what your brain shoots out. Input time, output time. Input time is reading books, scrolling social media, watching the news, listening to podcasts, talking to friends and colleagues, or anything else that adds new stuff for your subconscious to process. Output time is creating the space and boredom for those inputs to ferment into something interesting. Staring at a blank page of your journal, opening a document to start writing, going for a (no headphones) walk with a notebook, working out without music, or sitting in the sauna. However you create bored, quiet space for your brain to finally get some processing room to spit ideas out; you must create that space if you want the ideas to form.

The ways we fail at this are obvious. We never give ourselves output time because we’re terrified of silence and boredom. We need a podcast while working out. We need music while working. We keep social media up in another tab. We have notifications on our phones. We let ourselves be interrupted.

So give the great ideas time to pop up. Even if you know you have weeks or months to figure something out, start priming your brain with those questions now so it has time to process them.

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Do Not Let Problems Linger

Prefer addressing problems right away rather than letting them linger. Often, problems can be quickly fixed when first encountered. As they linger, the consequences often become much more severe and more difficult to fix.

  • Fixing a small leak when it is noticed is better than fixing a serious leak, structural damage, or long-term mold exposure.
  • Technical problems left to linger can become “load bearing”, meaning that other parts of the system depend on the erroneous behavior.
  • Not making the phone call to address the fact you need more time to pay a bill can result in fees or repossession.

Letting problems linger has a momentum of its own. If you’ve neglected a problem for a while, you’re more likely to keep neglecting it rather than fix it.

Ignoring problems rarely makes them go away. Significant problems never vanish, but become worse with continued neglect. The cost of inaction may be delayed, but it will inevitably come.

  • Good leaders take meaningful action to solve problems

References

  • Empty Words, Empty Gestures, Empty Actions by Quintus Curtius

    The failure to solve problems inevitably means they will aggregate to dangerous dimensions.  According to the historian Will Durant, we see this in the perilous situation that confronted Greece around the time of the death of Plato in 347 B.C.  Greed and selfishness rose to perilous heights.  A fanatic chasing after money and riches (called by the Greeks pleonexia) became a feature of public life.  The rich upper classes (the neoplutoi) occupied their time with frivolities and extravagance; and some of these oligarchs took oaths never to share their riches with the public.  Durant quotes Isocrates as saying in 366 B.C.:  “The rich have become so unsocial that those who own property had rather throw their possessions into the sea than lend aid to the needy, while those who are in poorer circumstances would less gladly find a treasure than seize the possessions of the rich.” 

    Greece was severely weakened by this economic strife and political paralysis.  Nothing could be accomplished; squabbling and bickering became the key features of public life; and the energies of the public were divided between the struggle for survival and diversionary entertainments.  The end result was that Athens was unable to coordinate a coherent defense when its militaristic neighbor to the north, Macedonia, came knocking at its door.  Philip of Macedon conquered Greece in 338 B.C., and brought an end to Athenian freedom. 

    The cost of inaction may be delayed, but it must always be paid.  Those who wish for pretty words, for dog and pony shows, and for form over substance, will learn their mistake in time. There is no way to escape the consequences of moral corruption.

  • 3-2-1: Paying Attention, Staying Hopeful in Bad Times, and Ten Year Plans by James Clear

    Many problems are minor when you solve them right away, but grow into an enormous conflict when you let them linger.

    As a rule of thumb, fix it now.

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Show Up Every Day

There is no replacement for showing up every day, putting your butt in the seat, and doing the work. Accomplishment takes discipline.

When you show up every single day, you don’t even have to make tremendous progress. Writing one page a day is still 365 pages a year – enough for a full book. Of course, we can usually get more output than that.

Showing up every day significantly the possibility that something meaningful will happen. We show the muse that we are dedicated, at Steven Pressfield says. And the muse rewards that with inspiration and insight. Our daily work, our continued presence, cultivates the field and enables ideas to flow. it takes time to get into that state, and frequent stops/starts only hinder it.

Showing up every day also enables your gains and your work to compound. Initial progress may feel slow, but over time your efforts compound and increasingly yield higher quality and outsized rewards.

Showing up every day keeps momentum going. Even when we finish a project, we can’t stop. After all, switching gears is most effective when we’re already in motion.

  • The way to complete a project is with continual progress every day, no matter how small
  • The power of compounding

References

  • Daily Rituals by Mason Currey

    He was dismissive of inspiration, saying that if he waited for the muse he would compose at most three songs a year. It was better to work every day. “Like the pugilist,” Gershwin said, “the songwriter must always keep in training.”

  • Are you doing what you said you wanted to do? by Seth Godin

    If you want to be a poet, write poetry. Every day. Show us your work.

  • Watercolor 365 by Leslie Redhead

    However, because painting is my livelihood and I’m not going to get any better by just thinking about painting, paint I must. So I show up in my studio every morning and paint until I feel like painting. I tell myself that I will spend one hour in the studio painting, and I will paint until I feel like painting. This usually works, and then I end up painting like mad!

  • The Practice by Seth Godin

    It’s hard to get blocked when you’re moving. Even if you’re not moving in the direction that you had in mind that morning.

    Isaac Asimov published more than four hundred books. How did he possibly pull that off? Asimov woke up every morning, sat in front of his manual typewriter, and he typed. That was his job, to type. The stories he created, the robots and the rest, were the bonus that came along for the ride. He typed when he wasn’t inspired. The typing turned into writing and he became inspired. We don’t write because we feel like it. We feel like it because we write.

  • Put Your Ass Where Your Heart Wants to Be by Steven Pressfield

    The Muse does not count hours. She counts commitment. It is possible to be one hundred percent committed ten percent of the time. The goddess understands.

  • Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

    But while he helped the prisoners and me to discover that we had a lot of feelings and observations and memories and dreams and (God knows) opinions we wanted to share, we all ended up just the tiniest bit resentful when we found the one fly in the ointment: that at some point we had to actually sit down and write.

  • How many words did you write today? by Steven Pressfield

    When I sit down to write in the morning, I literally have no expectations for myself or for the day’s work. My only goal is to put in three or four hours with my fingers punching the keys. I don’t judge myself on quality. I don’t hold myself accountable for quantity. (At least not at this stage; later, I will.) The only questions I ask are, Did I show up? Did I try my best?

    In other words, my goal (even after more than forty years of doing this) is simply to park my butt in front of the keyboard and work as hard as I can. I know from doing this for all those years that the physical act of sitting down at my desk for the required hours will produce, without fail, a day’s work.

    And I know something more. If I can stack up enough days, enough weeks, enough months, in the end I’ll have a book. I’ll have a movie. I’ll have something.

  • 3-2-1 Productivity, success, and 3 simple questions to improve your day by James Clear

    Standup comedian Cameron Esposito on success:

    There is no formula for success—you just begin and then you continue. I’m often asked how to have a career in stand-up and the answer is confoundingly simple: Do the work. Over and over again, just do the work. After you build the courage to get onstage that first time, it’s all about repetition.

  • The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

    How many pages have I produced? I don’t care. Are they any good? I don’t even think about it. All that matters is I’ve put in my time and hit it with all I’ve got.

  • 30 Day Challenge by Austin Kleon

    Someone once asked me to distill all of my books into one piece of advice, and, off the top of my head, I said: “Try sitting down in the same place at the same time for the same amount of time every day and see what happens.”

    In Steal Like an Artist, I wrote about comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s calendar method of daily joke writing:

    You break your work into daily chunks. Each day, when you’re finished with your work, make a big fat X in the day’s box. Every day, instead of just getting work done, your goal is to just fill a box. “After a few days you’ll have a chain. Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day. You’ll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job next is to not break the chain.”

    In Show Your Work! I suggested the day as the primary unit of time for the artist:

    Building a substantial body of work takes a long time—a lifetime, really—but thankfully, you don’t need that time all in one big chunk. So forget about decades, forget about years, and forget about months. Focus on days.

    The day is the only unit of time that I can really get my head around. Seasons change, weeks are completely human-made, but the day has a rhythm. The sun goes up; the sun goes down. I can handle that.

    And in Keep Going, I quoted the classic AA advice to “take one day at a time”:

    “Any man can fight the battles of just one day,” begins a passage collected in Richmond Walker’s book of meditations for recovering alcoholics, Twenty-Four Hours a Day. “It is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives men mad. It is remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore do our best to live but one day at a time.”

  • James Clear

    People who jump from project to project are always dividing their effort, and producing high quality work becomes difficult without intense effort.
    Meanwhile, your average work day can be leisurely, yet also productive, if you return to the same project each day.
    Do one thing well and watch it compound.

  • Alexander Cortes

    Imagine if for 10 years, you could not quit something
    Every day, you had to practice
    Every day, you had to find a way to train
    Every day, you had to improve
    Every day, you had to study
    Every day, you did one thing that moved you closer and contributed to your momentum
    How good do you think you would be? How successful? How “gifted” might you appear to people? How good would your “genetics” be?
    Hype motivation fast starts explosive growth excitement, they all lose to the Endurance of discipline
    Success comes down to those who did not quit.
    Most quit
    Don’t quit. Be consistent, keep going

  • 28 Lessons From Great Writers, Artists And Creators On Mastering Your Craft | Thought Catalog by Ryan Holiday

    The only way to learn to write is to force yourself to produce a certain number of words on a regular basis.

    —There Is No Secret to Writing Every Day, Three Essays on Freedom, John Dufresne